Raise your hand if you slept through the night!
Yeah, we didn't think so.
2020 has been a miracle of time: Both lightning fast and epically slow. Everything all at once. Whether you're ready for it or not. Especially if you're not. So here is the election day we've been waiting seventeen thousand years to arrive that also seems like it just slammed into us at 120 mph.
Offered as a mediocre cure for your existential angst and as a possible distraction this morning, may we present our Election Day Quarantine Kit. Mostly a soothing recap of favorites with a heaping serving of snark and a repetitive suggestion for soft pants and day drinking. SOFT PANTS. PUT THEM ON NOW.
Btw: We highly recommend voting *before* day drinking.
Still need to find your polling place? Check here.
Letters from an American | Trust us. Read this.
Books | Who in the AF is reading a book today? We've barely read a book in 2020. They're so long. Attention is so short. Sorry. Not today. Move on.
TV Shows | These are all repeats from earlier Quarantine Kits. Why? Because the world is on fire. Because our bandwidth is seriously diminished. Because the most soothing thing we can think of is soft pants (see above and below for our repetitive sermon on the importance of soft pants) and shows with no question marks.
Great British Baking Show | Season 5 with Liam and Kate. Season 6 with Rahul and Kim-Joy. Peak Noel and Sandy.
Schitt's Creek | Season 4: "Open Mic" and "The Olive Branch" and then listen to Tina Turner on repeat.
The Good Place | The Burrito, Janets, Chidi Sees the Time Knife
13 Going On 30 | Such a good time travel movie. Today's a good day for time travel. And kindness.
Magic Mike XXL | True confessions: We haven't seen this. But a trusted source says, "The first one makes the mistake of trying to be really serious and add in heavy side plots. XXL is the movie that the first one should have been. They go on a ROAD TRIP. It is SILLY and it is all about WOMEN and I LOVE IT." So, that works for today.
Holidate | So bad. Haven't finished it yet. Watch if you want to turn your brain off. Like off. Really off. Off off. (Also, we have questions: Why would a millennial give another millennial a business card? Is this meet-cute happening in 1999? What has happened to Kristin Chenoweth's face? She's wildly talented and now looks like one of the Ocean's 8 ladies. Maybe we'll tackle ladies' faces down in the unsolicited opinions or its own post. Probably the latter. Also, are we supposed to believe that the Jessica Capshaw character is the protagonist's sister? We're confused.)
For breakfast: Yesterday we made Irma Rombauer's overly complicated 1934 Joy of Cooking waffles. We ate two and froze the rest for toaster waffles. We were thankful this morning for the simplicity of sticking waffles into a toaster. Time travel to yesterday and make yourself some waffles. Or whip up a batch right now.
For lunch: We'd also encourage time traveling back to yesterday, roasting a chicken and now doing two things with the leftovers: First, pick all the meat off the chicken and make it into your favorite chicken based soup and a couple of enchiladas. Second, throw the chicken carcass plus all the ends of your carrots and celery and onions into a pot with water, a bay leaf, salt & pepper. Bring to a boil and then simmer all day. For reals: If you do nothing else, your house will smell amazing and it will be soothing. Trust us.
For dinner: Marcella Hazan's insanely time consuming and incomparable Bolognese. Why? Well, it smells phenomenal while it cooks. It isn't complicated, it just takes a long time. Stirring things is distracting. Also: wine. The recipe requires 1c. dry white wine. Which means you will be forced to open some wine. Which means that day drinking is entirely appropriate. Called for, even. (From a practical standpoint, this recipe feeds a ton of people, keeps well in the fridge, freezes well, and coupled with Marcella's bechamel makes the best lasagna you've ever eaten.)
Wear soft pants. All day. Do not take them off. If you can wear soft clothes entirely, do that. If, somehow, you have found soft clothes that lack both seams and tags, please tell us your secrets.
Day drink. (See above for recipe that enables said day drinking. See title for justification.)
Do not despair. We are called to rise and we believe that people have answered that call. We believe the spirit of America is awake and alive and will prevail. We believe that what we've seen--people putting their bodies in the street, their expertise up for all to share, their resources in the public square for the good of the order--we believe that these things will carry the day. We believe that light beats back darkness. And we believe that love is stronger than fear.
Talking 'bout a revolution. Go vote.